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A Climate Change Christmas Carol (with sincere apologies to Charles Dickens)

by: EJ on 12/15/2009
Posted in: Climate Change

It was the evening before the last day of the Copenhagen United Nations Conference on Climate Change. Prime Minister Ebenezer Harper was just getting ready for bed in his luxury hotel room.

"Ah," he sighed to himself. "I do believe we have been successful. It will be impossible for a binding climate change agreement to be reached, just as long as I can hold out one more day." His reverie was interrupted by a tap on the door announcing the arrival of his nightly hot toddy. Stretching, Prime Minister Harper opened the door, accepted the hot drink gratefully and tipped the waiter. And yet, the young man lingered.

"Is there something else?" Ebenezer asked.

"Prime Minister, I know it is not my place, but we had really hoped that Canada would have had a change of heart. Isn't there anything that will..."

Ebenezer's face grew red with rage, "You dare to presume to counsel me! You preposterous little twit! What does a hotel waiter know about climate change?"

"But please sir, think of the children sir!"

With a roar of outrage, Ebenezer pushed the man out of the way and slammed the door.
"Think of the children sir," he sneered. "Thanks to me protecting the tar sands, every child in Canada is going to have heating oil for their furnaces and enough gas for every family to drive a Hummer." Continuing to fume, he finished his drink and got ready for bed. As he settled his head on the pillow he thought, "I can't wait for this conference to be over so I can get back to the work that really matters. It's nearly time to get that budget out. Now what was that happy thought I was using to get to sleep? Oh yes, the new federal tax on Alberta." And with a smile on his face, Ebenezer drifted off to sleep.

Within minutes, it seemed, Ebenezer was awoken by a tap on his door. "It had better not be that waiter again," he thought. But when he opened the door, a jolly young woman dressed in a woolen coat, hat, mitts and a scarf greeted him with a hug.

"Ebenezer," she chimed. "How very lovely to see you. Come on, they won't wait long." And with that, she grasped Ebenezer's hand and he found himself transported through the night sky. Although he was wearing only his stripy pajamas, he felt no cold.

"Who are you? Where are you taking me? I must be dreaming."

The young woman just beamed at him and said, "I am the ghost of climate change past. We are going to your childhood home."

No sooner had she spoken, then Ebenezer saw a beautiful park appear before him, and he heard the happy sounds of children skating on a pond in the distance. "Why - it's High Park! We used to skate here every Saturday as children. I was such a fast skater; I even thought one day I might play for the Toronto Maple Leafs!" Ebenezer grinned at the memory. "That would be a great idea for a publicity stunt, Phil Kessel and me together on the ice.... It's really too bad that pond never freezes these days."

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Monday at Copenhagen

by: EJ on 12/14/2009
Posted in: Climate Change

The Climate Action Network (CAN International) daily negotiation assessment and briefing today has given a summary of what negotiators have managed to accomplish over the past week. They have also calculated the outcome of the present pledges (with associated loopholes) that are on the table. Their result? An anticipated 3.9 degree temperature …

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Oh, Canada - Redux

by: Heather on 12/11/2009
Posted in: Climate Change

Earlier this week I posted about Canada's abysmal post-Kyoto emissions record and our reputation as a climate villain based largely on the travesty of the tar sands oil extraction projects in Alberta. Yesterday, Franke James, author of Bothered by My Green Conscience posted another of her trademark visual essays taking aim at the same target. …

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On the Fourth Day of Copenhagen ...

by: EJ on 12/10/2009
Posted in: Climate Change

my true love gave to me - four emerging economies agreeing.

Today at Copenhagen, a second draft agreement, the "Copenhagen Accord" was released. The initiative, led by Beijing, was conceived as a rebuttal by developing countries to the "Copenhagen Agreement" draft allegedly written by the UN conference's host country and leaked by The Guardian …

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Oh, Canada...

by: Heather on 12/09/2009
Posted in: Climate Change

On the first day of negotiations at the UN climate summit in Copenhagen, Canada received the dubious distinction of "Fossil of the Day". According to the Climate Action Network Canada, this "prize" is given to countries who are blocking progress at the United Nations climate summit, and is awarded daily by a coalition of 400 leading international …

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